I’m back at work this week. It still seems surreal. But I’m so thankful that I was able to spend a whole year with my babe and that Stephen is able to look after him while I’m away. And I’m so thankful for my job.
If you asked me just three years ago if I could see myself working in a hospital setting I would have teared up and told you I couldn’t do it.
I struggled a lot with a lack of self-confidence, especially while in nursing school. I’ve always been good at school, but nursing is so much more than head knowledge and I had a difficult time with hands on critical thinking learning. I let this define me and, as a result, failed a couple classes, had a couple bad interviews and almost gave up on nursing altogether. (So thankful for my mom who believed in me all the way through. It’s so important to have a cheerleader hey?)
Eventually I got a job at a small private nursing home where someone gave me a chance, saw potential in me, and where the staff taught me how to love on the residents. I loved working there! Even so, there wasn’t a lot of room to grow in my nursing skills and experience and I knew that I was meant to work in a job that provided that. But. Still everytime anyone asked me about working in a hospital setting I would start to cry because I was so terrified that I couldn’t do it, that I wouldn’t remember what I learned, that I wasn’t good at critical thinking.
When Stephen and I started seriously talking about having a baby I was working very part-time (and helping him with our business) and so, we decided it would be best for me to get another job so I would be able to qualify for maternity leave. About this time we got together with good friends of ours, one of whom is also a nurse, who strongly encouraged me to reconsider a hospital position. The benefits were fantastic BUT fear still gripped me. However I knew deep down that it was time. Stephen and I thought and prayed about it over the next few days and, you guys, I was enveloped in such a peace and strength and confidence rose up on the inside of me. God is so so good!
And so, I set out to find a hospital job only to be told that there was a lack of LPN jobs available. But I knew that I knew that I was meant to have a job so I refused to give in to discouragement and worry. And after 6 months or so I got an interview. By then I had no time for fear. I was done with it. Everytime it tried to rear it’s ugly head I wouldn’t give in to it and would choose to believe and declare instead that I can do all things through Jesus who gives me strength. And I rocked that interview. And got another one and rocked it too.
I walked onto those units a confident capable nurse and that is who I am going back as. It still comes, you know, the temptation to fear or to not feel competent. I had to fight it off yesterday on a busy shift when I felt so slow and unorganized. But I know I am where I’m supposed to be and I’m not about to be held back again.
When was a time you overcame fear and what did you gain as a result that you wouldn’t have if you let fear run free in your life?